Folklore Agony

Alone Too Long?

Alone Too Long?
Photo by Thirumalai Rajan P on

Dear Folklore Agony Aunt

After a couple of disastrous long term relationships in my 20s and 40s I’ve pretty much been single for most of the last 20 years. Had the very occasional enjoyable fling here and there, but not many and short lived. I guess I’ve given up on ending my single life. Things were fine till Covid I guess. But then I went 14 months without the touch of another human. No hugs, no gentle pats on the back. It was very hard emotionally, and I crave to be someone special to someone again. But I’ve no idea how to achieve this. I hate dating sites, never really dated much anyway. I’m 60 now and need some hope things could change. I’m okay in my own company and have friends who I love dearly around the world. Just need some support/hope for the future of my dating life.

AW, London

Dear AW

Normally in these situations I would recommend wearing a wasp nest to help attract a mate, but I’m finding this advice to be less and less appealing to those not in the pest control industry these days. Wasp nests aside, it sounds like you’re having a rough time, and I’m really sorry to hear this. But all is not lost, support is here and hope is just around the corner!

There are several folklore gambits that might help ease you back into the dating game, the first being to dance in a hog-trough to shrug off any latent dating curses you might have acquired. However this technique will only work if you are the oldest in your family with younger siblings who have already married before you. If this is not the case then I suggest you start by working on your personal energy field, otherwise known as your aura.

An aura, as I’m sure you know, is a many layered thing. While there is discussion over just how many layers there actually are, the most agreed upon number is seven starting with the etheric body (nearest to us) and ending with the ketheric template (furthest from us). Now, I’m no expert in auras, but it’s said when your aura is wonky, other things in your life will be wonky too and it sounds like yours is definitely on the wonk. Think of your aura as your vibes. If you’re giving off the wrong ones, it makes it more difficult to connect with people. So, I’d suggest you investigate how best to cleanse and heal your aura and then give it a go (if you want to know more about cleansing your energy with an egg, you can here – it’s weird, fun and will absolutely give you a memorable story should conversation run dry on a first date). 

However, if you prefer to be more proactive, you might also want to try finding love with the aid of an apple pip. It’s said that if you hold an apple pip between your thumb and forefinger and squeeze it while turning sunwise in a circle and reciting: 

Pippin, pippin, paradise, 
Tell me where my true love lies: 
East, west, north or south
Pilling brig or Cockermouth

when the pip bursts from its rind, that is the direction in which you must travel to meet your next true love. The texts don’t exactly specify how far you’ll need to travel before you find them, but at least you’ll be on the right track. 

But if wasp nests, hog-troughs, auras, egg cleansing and apple pips aren’t quite to your taste, my final suggestion is to go dancing (sans hog-trough). Find yourself a ceilidh and throw yourself into the throng with gusto. It doesn’t really matter if you don’t know the steps as you’ll soon pick them up (besides, falling while dancing is said to bring love). But if you need a dash of confidence before you go, chew on a bit of tarragon, said to sweeten the breath, aid calmness and promote feelings of attachment. Also you might want to invest in a snazzy set of red undercrackers as this is said to attract good luck. After all, when Mr Darcy asks Elizabeth Bennett what she recommends to encourage affection, she replies dancing. Plus, you never know, your Swedish Masquerade might turn into a Britannia Twostep ending up in a Marmalade Sandwich. Of course, being a lady, I wouldn’t dream of mentioning the possibility of turning your Marmalade Sandwich into a Sausage Machine, but never say never…

Good luck! 

The Folklore Agony Aunt

Have a problem? Frustrated by conventional advice? Let the Folklore Agony Aunt bring a different perspective. Click here to tell me all about it. 

Also, if you want a daily dose of have-a-go folklore delivered to your door on or around 26 October, buy my new book Everyday Folklore: An almanac for the ritual year. Is it too early to say the words ‘perfect stocking filler’…? Pre-order your copy here:

Published by Liza Frank

Author of My Celebrity Boyfriend. Obsessed with hula hooping, sons of preachermen and fresh dates, sometimes all at the same time. Curator of Folklore Agony and The Everyday Lore Project.

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