Or do you think balloon animals?
That’s right, because today I’ve been squeezing and twisting latex.
The art of making balloon animals is not a new phenomenon. The tradition is thought to go back to the Aztecs who made them out of cat bowels and offered them up as sacrifices. Now, while I do love a good traditional method, my cat is still very much asleep on the sofa.
So, I am never not going to laugh at inflating a long, thin, pastel coloured, 1.5m balloon with a pump that wheezes like Ivor the Engine’s asthmatic brother. In fact, I laughed all the way through this, it was impossible not to.
I decided to make a dog, because everyone knows what a balloon dog is supposed to look like, and they act as the basic template for lots of other animals. I turned to YouTube and Magic Wayne for guidance. Once I’d got over my fear of popping the balloon, or if I squeezed it, somehow liver sausage was going to come out, it was easy.
Next I decided to do a rose.
I gave up on the rose.
Next I thought I’d give a horse a go and maybe I could shape it like the White Horse at Uffington. However, while having many dog-like traits, the horse was a bit more complicated, not least because I realised I was mirroring Holly the Twister Sister, and using my left hand instead of my right to make all the torsions. Once I swapped, the body came out fine. It was when I started the mane that it all went pear shaped, or in this case, haemorrhoid shaped. After accidentally popping the existing tail and the back legs trying to attach a longer tail, I declared myself to be making a sea horse. Then part of the mane unspun, and I moved on.
I did think about making a Cerne Abbas Balloon Giant but after the NSFW of yesterday, there was no point in competing.
Mr Fudge started to teach me how to mould a mermaid. But that was way too complicated.
This is all that is left of my pig:
Then all my flowers kept bursting.
To be honest, I could have kept going all night, but after slightly losing the hearing in my left ear after a particularly loud pop, and because I had to write this up, I reluctantly put down my pump. For a dose of mindless joy and endless smutty possibilities, you can’t go far wrong with a bit of balloon animal action.
To end, here’s a recording of me blowing up one of the balloons.